


Tomorrow Will Be Kinder

by justyrae



Series: You're Never Gonna Love Me [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2014-01-17
Packaged: 2018-01-09 01:57:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1140087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyrae/pseuds/justyrae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry shuts everyone out because he's angry that Liam won't talk to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tomorrow Will Be Kinder

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to [Not_Monday](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_Monday/pseuds/Not_Monday) and [bowsie22](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bowsie22/pseuds/bowsie22) for requesting a second part.
> 
> title from The Secret Sisters song of the same name

Harry was irrationally angry. He'd never felt like this before, not even during his childhood when he and Gemma had fights that would end in the silent treatment for days on end. He'd never been so angry that he couldn't think of anything besides his anger.

It had been a week since Liam called him out of the blue and practically admitted to contemplating suicide, and Harry hadn't spoken to him since. Not for lack of trying, but Liam's phone had remained off for the whole day following and Harry quickly got sick of his texts and calls going unanswered.

 _If Liam doesn't want to talk to me then I don't want to talk to Liam_ , he told himself. It seemed to help for a while, even if he knew deep down that he didn't really mean it.

He'd full on panicked after Liam hung up on him, immediately calling Zayn and practically sobbing on a voicemail when he didn't answer. He'd called Louis next, who answered with an annoyed, sleepy voice which made Harry feel ten times worse about the whole thing.

"He's just lonely, Haz. And probably very drunk," Louis sighed heavily and Harry could tell that he was worried about Liam as well, even if he wasn't going to say it. "I'm sure he'll call in the morning and apologize for scaring you."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Harry didn't really believe him, and he was sure that Louis knew he was only going along with it for his sake.

"I'm knackered, Haz. Ring me tomorrow, yeah?"

"Will do, Lou. Sorry for waking you up."

"S'alright. Love you, mate."

"You too," Harry answered with a heavy sigh before hanging up.

Harry had plans to go out with some friends later that night, but after Liam's phone call he cancelled on them because he knew he wouldn't be any fun. He spent the night curled up on the bed in his hotel room, staring at his phone as text after text he sent to Liam went unanswered.

He had a fitful night's sleep, full of nightmares that were enough to scare him awake but not enough for him to forget what Liam had said.

_I'm giving up on you._

Harry hadn't meant to break Liam's heart, honestly. He loved Liam very much, and that was partially the reason he'd told him no. He loved Liam too much to hurt him like he knew he eventually would. Harry hadn't had the best luck when it came to relationships, and he would never be able to forgive himself if he broke Liam's heart and ruined everything.

It was almost funny how in trying not to mess things up, he ended up doing it anyway.

The morning after, he woke up to the sound of his phone ringing just before the call went to voicemail. Harry hoped it had been Liam, but when he checked he saw it was Zayn. He waited a few minutes for the message to come through, quickly pressing his phone to his ear once it did.

"Hey Harry, thought you might be up but obviously not. I tried Liam, but his phone must be off or summat. I'll keep trying, but in the meantime can you not leave me hysterical voicemails in the middle of the night? It's really quite terrifying. Anyway, talk to you later. Love you."

Harry smiled faintly as he listened to Zayn's message, and when he closed his eyes he could see the look on Zayn's face, a mixture of amusement and annoyance.

He laid still for a few minutes before deciding to send one more text to Liam, though he figured he wouldn't get a reply.

_I'm here if you want to talk._

Harry tried not to think about Liam for the rest of the day. He met up with the friends he'd ditched the night before, continuing with the story that he just hadn't felt well and needed a night to himself. They seemed to accept it, and they helped to distract Harry for a few hours.

Every time he checked his phone for the time or when a text came through, he found himself hoping there'd be something from Liam. Anything at all, even if it was just "hi" or "I'm okay" or even "leave me alone." Just something to let Harry know that Liam was okay.

But nothing came. And after the third day of silence, Harry had had it. His worry dissipated, and was replaced with the anger that wouldn't leave him alone.

It wasn't long before he started ignoring texts from Zayn, Louis, and even Niall. Though he suspected that Niall was oblivious to what had happened, so he felt a little guilty about not answering him.

He went out a lot more often than he had before, drinking far too much despite being underage in the States, and starting not to care when someone said he was worrying them. Harry didn't understand, it's not like he was the one who called one of his best mates while drunk and standing on a ledge, why was he suddenly the one who was in trouble?

The day he was due to fly back to London, he briefly considered changing his flight and spending time elsewhere to get his mind off things. He was browsing possibilities when Louis texted him, and he was struck with an overwhelming sense of guilt when he read it.

_Why are you ignoring me and Zayn? We didn't do anything…_

Harry sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes as he debated an answer. He knew it had been childish and stupid to shut them out, especially after he'd reached out to them in the first place.

Before he could think of an acceptable answer to Louis' text, another came through.

_We just want to know you're OK. And if you still want to see us when you get home._

_Of course I do_ , Harry quickly texted back. He suddenly felt even worse than before, hating himself for making his best friends in the world think that he hated them.

 _Be at mine when I land? Jetlag be damned, I want to see you._ He texted again, hoping that Louis wouldn't be too cross when he saw him.

_We'd pick you up, but there'd probably be a riot at Heathrow. See you tomorrow._

Harry was surprised at how exchanging a few texts with Louis made him feel better about going home. For the first time in days, he wasn't angry or stressed. He wasn't thinking about Liam.

He didn't think about Liam as he packed his suitcase, or while he was on his way to LAX. He also didn't think about Liam while he sat in the terminal waiting to board the plane. Harry thought about seeing Louis and Zayn, his mum and Gemma, maybe even Niall if he got off his lazy Irish arse and came to see him.

He was determined not to think about Liam. And whether or not he'd ever actually speak to Liam again. If Liam even wanted him to.

Not thinking about Liam at all during his 11 hour flight proved to be a tad more difficult than Harry thought it was going to be. He'd forgotten that the book he brought with him to read on the flight had come from Liam. All the songs on his iPod seemed to remind him of Liam, and even the in-flight films were either ones they'd watched together or ones Liam had mentioned to Harry that he wanted to see.

 _It's not fair_ , Harry thought to himself, trying not to grumble under his breath as he shifted in his seat and tried to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. _He'd better be just as miserable as I am._

That's when realization struck him. He had no idea how Liam was doing. If Liam was handling things well or if he was going out of his mind. All he knew was that Zayn had gotten a hold of him and he'd told Zayn he was fine.

Harry had tried to get more details out of Zayn, but there were none to give. That was partially the reason that Harry had started ignoring Zayn's texts, because if Zayn wasn't going to try and get Liam to talk to him, then Harry didn't want to talk to Zayn.

Harry groaned softly and shut his eyes tightly, trying not to wallow in the fact that he'd been a complete ass to basically everyone in his life. Up until that point, he'd been blaming everything on Liam even though it was really his own fault.

He slowly drifted off to sleep, still trying not to think about Liam and failing miserably.

When he woke up to the sound of one of the stewardesses making an announcement about their arrival, Harry felt even less excited about being back home than he did before. He'd slept soundly, but somehow he woke up even more tired than before.

He shuffled through Heathrow, headphones firmly planted in his ears despite no music coming from them. He wore them mainly in the hopes that fewer people would bother him and he'd be able to get home as quickly as possible.

He only felt a little bit better when the taxi pulled up in front of his flat, and he knew Zayn and Louis had let themselves in. Harry plastered a smile on his face when he stepped through the door and was immediately pulled into a hug by both of them.

Harry told them about his time in the States, pretending not to notice the way they were looking at him. He could see the worry behind their smiles, the fear that he may collapse into a heap on the floor at any moment.

"How've you been?" he asked, steering the conversation away from him and hoping that one of them would distract him enough so he wouldn't try asking about Liam.

Louis started what turned out to be a ridiculously long story about something he and Eleanor had done while Harry was gone, and while he tried to pay attention, he failed miserably. Zayn seemed to notice, and he wrapped an arm around Harry once Louis had finished.

"You look exhausted. You should get some sleep, we can catch up more tomorrow."

"I'm fine-" Harry started to protest but Louis rolled his eyes.

"You are not. You clearly weren't paying attention to a thing I just said."

"Sorry," he replied sheepishly.

"S'alright. I still love you."

Harry let the two of them corral him to his bedroom, pushing him into bed before he could protest again. Louis excused himself, saying goodbye and sleep well to Harry before he disappeared, but Zayn hung around.

"Go on," he said as he sat down on the bed next to Harry. "Ask."

"Is he okay?" Harry asked softly after a good five minutes of silence. He hoped that would be enough preparation to hear whatever Zayn was going to say.

"He wasn't for a while, but I reckon he is now. For the most part, anyway. You know Liam." Zayn chuckled lightly, but Harry had never felt less like laughing.

"He scared me, Zayn."

"I know. And he knows it too." Zayn sighed softly, gently running his hands through Harry's hair.

"Why won't he talk to me?" Harry asked as he looked up at Zayn.

"Doesn't know how. Would you?" Harry sighed heavily, looking away and burying his face into his pillow.

"I'm an idiot," he mumbled into the pillow.

"Yeah," Zayn agreed with another light chuckle. "But we all love you anyway."

"Not helpful," Harry snapped. Zayn ruffled his hair slightly again before he stood up.

"I'll let him know you're home. Maybe he'll come 'round." He walked over to the door, stopping to look back at Harry once more. "Sleep well, Haz."

"Thanks," Harry mumbled softly, turning his head to offer Zayn a half-smile before he left.

Harry hadn't realized he'd slept for so long until he awoke to the sound of his ringtone, looking at the clock on his bedside table instead of the caller ID as he answered.

"Hello?" He cleared his throat after speaking, his voice thick from sleep.

"Hi, Harry," Liam's voice was soft, sounding like he hadn't expected Harry to pick up.

"Liam," Harry's voice wavered slightly, and he cleared his throat again before speaking. "Are you-"

"I'm outside," Liam interrupted. "Can you let me in?"

"Y-Yeah," Harry stammered. "Gimme a minute."

He hung up, his mind reeling with the information that Liam was at his front door. He rubbed his eyes furiously and slapped himself in the face, trying to make sure that he wasn't still dreaming.

It seemed to take ages for him to make his way to the front door, and even longer for him to open it and reveal Liam standing on the other side.

"Hi," he said softly, looking sheepishly at Harry. Harry didn't say anything in reply, but stepped aside and gestured for Liam to come inside.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked once he closed the door.

"Zayn told me you were back," Liam said as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "Said I should come apologize."

"Yeah?" Harry crossed his arms, trying not to sound angry and failing.

"Yeah," Liam said softly. "I'm sorry."

"You bloody well should be," Harry scoffed. "You scared me half to death."

"I didn't mean to, I just-"

"Just what? Thought you'd call me from a bloody ledge and guilt me into-" Harry stopped himself before he went off any further, and groaned harshly.

"It was stupid, and I'm sorry," Liam repeated. "I just didn't know how to handle things."

Harry couldn't hold back a derisive laugh, but he refused to let himself feel bad about it. "You did a fine job, let me tell you."

"Don't be a twat, Harry."

"A tw- Me?" Harry felt himself getting angrier, and he could see in Liam's eyes that he was too. "Do you think I had any idea how to handle this?"

"Certainly seemed that way," Liam retorted. "You had a million reasons for me but did you actually mean any of them?"

"I meant what I said, Liam. It wouldn't work."

"How do you know?" Liam demanded.

"Because it wouldn't!" Harry snapped, yelling at Liam for the first time in ages. "You can't just go around telling someone you love them and expect it to all work out!"

"You don't know that it wouldn't!" Harry started shaking his head, his eyes on the floor in front of him because he knew he couldn't look Liam in the eye.

"It wouldn't," he repeated. "Even if it did at first, something would happen and you'd end up hurt."

"Stop trying to bloody protect me, Harry, I'm not a child!"

"I'm not-" Harry stopped himself from speaking, because he knew it was true. He was trying to protect Liam. From himself.

"Yeah, you are. You can't help yourself," Liam said with a heavy sigh. "I knew it, deep down, but I guess I didn't want to admit it."

"Liam," Harry started, but his throat felt as if it was going to close up if he kept talking, so he stayed silent.

"I guess I really meant it, when I said I was giving up on you." Liam stared at the floor, neither wanting to look the other in the eyes.

"I didn't want to hurt you," Harry mumbled softly, and Liam let out a hollow laugh.

"Yeah, well, Hurricane Hazza did a number on me."

Harry winced, hoping Liam didn't see. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," Liam replied as he turned to face the door. He paused at the sound of Harry's voice, his fingers just barely brushing the handle.

"We'll be all right eventually, yeah?" Liam sighed deeply, unable to bring himself to turn back around.

"Eventually," he said quietly before he opened the door and left.

All Harry could do was slink down to the floor and wrap his arms around himself, praying that eventually came sooner than he knew it would.

 

_Sorrow weighs my shoulders down_  
_And trouble haunts my mind_  
_But I know the present will not last_  
_And tomorrow will be kinder_

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://imlouisaf.tumblr.com)


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